Deep Depths and High Heights

I feel lost…….. not just a little lost but WAY lost. I have been in this place before, unsure of where I am coming from, much less sure of where I am headed. Add a few people who mirror your worst doubts to you and what you have is a sure-shot recipe for disaster… or metamorphosis. It is your choice.

I have had a lot of time to think in these past few months though. Im bold enough to write out a few things today…….

Most people live in fear: Fear of traffic, bad jobs, bad-hair days, relationship drama, neighbor-gossip drama and other dramas. I find the spoken word very shallow in most people. I personally cannot stand polite conversation so, I stay as far away from the spoken word as I possibly can. But, fear renders stupid words as well.

People have big egos: I am right because I am older than you, richer than you, smarter than you, more powerful than you, have seen more of the world than you have, have had worse circumstances than you have, etc. etc. Ive heard most of it in my own life…… I have an ego too…….. Mostly about my weight. Athletes are obsessed with their weight, as we well should be. It is our job. However, post injuries Ive also felt like a big stationary potato, unable to move and consequently also like a festering pile of bacteria So, my ego is hurt…..

Writing is an act of will and reflects our innards: Try writing a hand-written note to someone when you are unhappy. Given the propensity of keyboards, this is hard but, I still hang on to my ink-pens and my foolscap paper… I dont suceed at writing all the time though because I know I am very transparent and whatever I feel comes out with no filter.

In summary, my fear, ego and writing are all things to watch, acknowledge and work with for myself to evolve. I choose metamorphosis today and to remain stable through the deep depths and high heights and not take either as a hit.