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Christchurch Earthquake

I was tempted to title this post Mortality but, I digress. On Tuesday, February 22nd, my husband and I were at our rented premises in Christchurch, New Zealand. It was about lunch time, I was finishing a report and nibbling at some pasta, he was heating his food. At first, we felt what seemed like an aftershock but when the rumbling continued and my food fell on the carpet, we ran out of the first-floor apartment, helter-skelter. Within minutes of coming outside the house, we felt what was a series of aftershocks. On further inspection, we found the whole neighborhood was ravaged but nothing sank in on the first day. We hardly slept that night and woke up at least a dozen times to more aftershocks. Sadly, we were stuck with a house-owner who came by to inform us that he expected us to pay rent.. we were not sure why he said that as most of our rent had been pre-paid. The power went off immediately after the first quake hit and we expected that it would be back in 24 hours or so. What followed was a bizzare nightmare of outlandish proportions, here is a brief recounting:

Our main door had sunk in and we couldnt open it without considerable force. What we did not notice on Tuesday (as there was no power after a while and it was pitch dark and our nerves were frayed by the time nigthfall came) was a huge crack in our bedroom wall and in several other places in the building. We slept in a little space (with our legs folded) with the door slightly ajar on Tuesday night. It was bitterly cold outside (by our standards) and we just couldnt bear to sleep in the open. It was no use as we hardly slept that night and were completely perplexed at what was happening. On the second day, it started to dawn on us that we had no running water, no electricity and no sewage. All these basic human necessities were down and it was not easy to gather when these would be back. As we had no access to TV, I had a radio on my music player, which I listened to for emergency news. We heard that 40 people were confirmed dead in the central business district and that our suburb was the worst hit, in terms of basic supplies. It also became amply clear to us that we were simply not safe in the house any more as our only exit was jammed shut and it was too cold to sleep outside at night. We also realized that the landlord knew that it would take a very long time to repair things and thats probably why the comment about rent surfaced, but, we didnt want to think negatively. The neighbors were helping each other out with well water and sharing barbeques for cooking and we were trying to stay very positive about the situation.

On Thursday, our cell phones ran out of power. I biked an hour to my friend’s house, which usually would have taken 20 minutes but, the roads were broken, there were police and emergency workers in some parts of town and traffic was moving very very slowly. There was a heck of a lot of dust and silt and mini water holes to get past. I couldnt believe my eyes. It looked like a war-zone to one part of town and then there was power in some other parts of town. I charged our electronics half-way and returned home, exhausted. We had also had cumulatively lost sleep and we were at our wits ends. While we considered ourselves very lucky to be alive, the aftershocks while reducing in frequency, had not reduced in intensity/violence. Added to this, our daily routine now consisted of walking to get water, filling water, boiling water and eating out of boxes and cans. We had no idea where to ask for help as we were not mobile. On Friday, we managed to get a ride to the local Civil Defense welfare center to register our case with the Red Cross and housing about feeling unsafe in the house and getting out of there. Most of our neighbors had started to leave as it was becoming evident that power would not return for weeks and the energy company was talking about running overhead lines in the area. Several areas of the city were being manned by large swathes of police and military from many different countries and the law-and-order situation seemed to be going South. In fact, within an hour of the quake, when we were returning from a little walk (as we preferred being outside) we saw some people steal milk and frozen items from the local gas station. Air New Zealand had also started to offer 50$ flights to people that wanted to leave Christchurch but neither could we get them on the phone nor did we know how to make it to the airport with no means of transport.

We then continued to clean up our apartment (as our house owner returned to check if we were still in the apartment, several times, while never offering to give us any help to get to where local churches had organized free food and drinking water) for two days and decided to move to safer grounds.

My best friend lost his coach and his neighbor. It has been a pretty senseless tragedy and I listened to the radio every day for hours, just to document the responses by major players. Ive only now realized that a lot of ideas in my PhD thesis, relating to the use of cell-phone technology for Emergency Response, are very valid. Throughout the entire time, we never had a group SMS notification about local efforts to supply food and water. Not everyone had a battery operated radio and news was not proliferating properly. Altruism I believe, is a function of time. While this brought out the best in many, it also brought out the worst in some. Im hoping to document this this but my head is in a tizzy! I dont really know how I am going to publicize my research but I am. In similar situations in India, the loss of life would cross 100,000 (given human density) and the response would be as poor, if not worse. We are very lucky because the trails I bike/run in had a rockfall and killed two people.

The only thing that kept us going was the daylight (I was terrified in the night-time with no power and reports of looting in abandoned homes), some hot food by a local church group in conjunction with the military and police and the friendly faces of the Red Cross Volunteers. Please donate generously to the Red Cross, for New Zealand. This country has given me so much and most of the people here are amazing people, resilient and very hard-working. I have no doubt they will be back on their feet however, major disasters come with a steady state time of about 5-7 years in terms of the aftermath. Ray Nagin, Mayor of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, didnt try to sugarcoat what it would take for the city to revive itself. But, here is to trying to do whatever little we can to help this along.

The daily grind

I was talking to an inspiring young man today… and we were commiserating on how it gets more and more difficult to dream as one grows older. We have a lot more to lose as we grow older, that is the perception at least! As our conversation progressed and we shared our thoughts on life, the number 42, the chamber of secrets and fast bits and bytes and priorities. His were music, running, adventure(s) in the outdoors and then a real job. Sounded a lot like me, except perhaps to me the adventures and running are before music… I think Ive found great inspiration in books, great movies and characters, fictional or otherwise. I dont think growing older has anything to do with sources of inspiration (thank goodness!) … once a dreamer, always a dreamer.

I remember reading some great books by a renowned Psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl. Although the most famous of his works is Man’s Search for Meaning, he also has a repository of amazing books on general psychiatry, if one can call it that. One of those books is called The Will to Meaning… albeit a slightly thicker book than the first, it made for some good reading in the rainy June back in 2008 in Seattle. I would run to work every morning, in the pouring rain, work 5 hours, and run home in the dryness and work at home there on. I had an incredibly hard time managing my time as an athlete, a PhD Student and a CEO. I really have no idea how I got through it. According to the Wikipedia rendition of Frankl’s theories (which I believe are accurate, existentialism is about living in the moment or the present as much as possible): “We can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering” and that “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances” I think one other thing he said in his book is that an athletes life is challenging because it creates simplicity and enough engagement with the task at hand to completely occupy a person. There is no boredom when being an athlete, not too much at least and not when one is trying hard enough. One is constantly hungry, focussed and entirely engaged with getting things done.

When we think of the daily grind I feel that a lot of the conflict comes from working jobs that we dont particularly identify with and that bring us little personal reward (other than money). There are many theories on happiness and love but to me, love it time and happiness is satisfaction. These are interchangable. Many times I feel that if I really love doing something, I would probably do it for free. Money (for me, a middle-class denizen) is not an immediate concern, although that could change at any time if circumstances went bad or changed drastically. Also, living in big cities in India can become the bane of our existance, even though 90% of the population will never realize how much living close to nature (even if working for basic wages to pay bills) can change our lives for the better. How much a run or a daily exercise routine or just physical labour can change how we percieve ourselves and the world. Being an athlete this is a no-brainer for me but, not for most.

For me, I believe very sternly in cutting my losses, when situations get out of control or sound meaningless. In terms of work, I am privileged to be self-employed in one path down the wooded trail and working for IIT Ropar on the other path of the wooded trail. Its a hard thing to keep in perspective. Academic jobs offer a lot of intellectual freedom and satisfaction but the pay is a joke and the politics are through the roof. Industrial jobs dont offer that much intellectual freedom unless you are a carpenter (which is what I try to be, as busy and important as my degrees might sound I believe in a job well done rather than ten pages of jargon, any day of the week). Academia brings out the best in me sometimes. I am an idealist, I believe that the world should be a certain way and that the educated and the privileged have an additional responsibility to do something to challenge the status quo. But, I also believe that free will is the cornerstone of individuality and uniqueness so, if there ever be a balancing act in my life, it would be to find a happy middle ground somewhere.

In a lighter tone, Bloat, in Finding Nemo comes to mind when I think of our mind-boggling excesses of technology and attention-grabbing widgets… this is a puffer-fish that bloats when he gets stressed :) Im not a very smart person but I do know one thing, Passion is not for sale. My mom had turned down several amazing jobs saying “you couldnt pay me enough” (when referring to ownership) and what can I say, Im nothing original. Just a chip off the old block.. and Im OK with that. My grammie was even more free-willed, learning Sanskrit at age 53 when physically impaired… Stick your tongue out, live a little… its never too late!

In any case, I think a lot of the journey is about sticking to our priorities… not so much a grand search for the next big thing. As Kerouac said, Id rather be thin, than famous! Lets see where the cobblestone trails lead…………

Driftwood

I woke up late today morning and was very angry to have missed the morning session before the rains. I started a run in the pissing rain, determined to make the most of my day. I was not going to let someone get in the way of a burning fire in my stomach, I had finally felt some passion for my life as I know it on my last night’s introspection.

I remembered all the long hard nights and days of training with no care for weather, tiredness, apparel or hope. I met two kids on the beach, two boys probably teenagers who started running with me! I asked them if they were surfers and they said yes… they asked how long I was planning on running, to which I replied about 20 minutes, that way pointing ahead of me. They were barefoot, totally muddy and ran a while before they dropped off… I saw another lone man ahead of me, who was screaming at the wind! I got a bit concerned as I had been about these two boys, as I was alone on the beach, the sea looking like a John Masefield poem. I turned around earlier than I had intended, only to run into the two boys again. These two, after a while had two pieces of driftwood, that they used to draw lines on either side of me. What are you doing? I asked to which one of them said It’s a path!.. I laughed out and followed their cue… they drew the path, I stayed on it. They took a lot of turns, curves and such and wrote me funny messages by running ahead of me including, Have a Nice Day, Lots of Love and Smiles, See ya!, word by word, in turn, one would write one word, the other the next  Very co-ordinated effort. Then they drew the finish line and I stopped before it and one of them raced me across it and said I win! I couldn’t stop laughing. These two made my day! My belly was full of laughter and I shared my music with them and thanked them for making my day and gave one of ‘em a hug. Sure enough, they had a younger sister with them and their mom was there as well.

All this, in the pouring rain!

I also got attacked by a manic-depressed seagull, who probably thought I was a big pink salmon, given the shocking neon tights I had worn to cheer myself up on my run and get a laugh… When I went back to get photos, the gull really came after me till I took one of the pieces of driftwood and held it above my head. It was too funny, amazing and strange to be true. Sometimes, you just gotta trust the Universe to show you the way.

A day with the ladies

Mom and I went to a beauty parlor yesterday… I wanted to say “Spa Date” but every Spa in Bangalore that I called wanted twice my employee’s salary for a few things beautiful so, I thought Id stick to friendly, neighborhood Lakme…. They were WAY more than what I needed.. and have more fun, local staff too. Anyway, mom is way more personable than I ever will be.. I wonder if there is a parlour that can fix personalities. I am trying hard to develop chatting skills. The lady that was going to be performing what seemed like a major car overhaul (remember the scene from Ms. Congeniality, in goes a geek out comes a hottie?) was a very nice lady and said that she had noticed me a couple of times before when I came in, was always in a big hurry to leave and never talked :) So, she didnt insist that I start this time and I was grateful for that. Since we had nearly 6.5 hours together, we did talk a bit and I really respect what some of the ladies there are trying to achieve.

The 6.5 hours was mostly a blur but, the effect was the same as putting a monkey in a washing machine! I am not sure I look any better but, my hair is washed, Ive been seeing the effects of major moisturizer and heck, I have NAILPOLISH on……..

Irrational Behavior

Well.. for nearly 4 months I had no time to blog, much less shower/eat/sleep/rest…….. Now its twice a day! Whats UP with that?! I watched this movie “The Social Network” last night. It was probably my 20th-30th movie in the year — I dont have a TV so, if I ever sit down for 2 hours to turn off my overactive brain, I put in a DVD and watch it on my laptop. It was pretty brutal (the movie that is) and Ive sworn off of this for a bit. I also watched with some amusement Barkha Dutt screaming for an entire 47 (or was it 48 minutes) trying to road-roll Manu Joseph in defending why she was just an innocent person with bad judgement. Man, women are LOUD these days! Most of her show and Rajdeep Sardesai’s journalism is just loud and obnoxious. More decibels per word or something.

In other news, I am 2 months behind work, waiting on a call, have mad hair having not been in front of a mirror in months and a tad outta shape after being in and out of hospitals all of November. However, I still harbor this distant dream that things will fall into place, despite being a middle-class citizen harboring some discontent with polluted cities, working out of Rural India where health-care is an alien term (we have to travel an hour for a decent hospital from Ropar, Punjab) and wondering what IT is all about.

I have realized though that people stuck at desks and offices ultimately have to kick and scream in some way (whether on National Television or in the pirvacy of their homes) as the quality of life here is not really increasing linearly with our amazing, projected GDP. I read a great article interviewing Rajeev Chandrashekhar who lays it out simply: Our growth measurements are bullshit. We measure growth by how well our infrastructure, mining and construction sectors are doing, happily ignoring manufacturing, agriculture, etc.

As an IP professional for a tad over seven years, I have seen more die-casting factories in the South than I care to mention… and one wonders why catch-phrases like “Ideate, Innovate, Idiot-ate” dont make sense. Where IS the innovation if we are letting the mothership hold all the IP? What happened to the breed of dreamers? Are they all dead?

Happiness

I have had a really rough week! I have not slept much, Ive been stressed about three different things and someone I care about very much is not well. In the melee of such a week, I had two choices, one to down myself in the stress or to hear only the good parts. I chose the latter. I have a very inspiring class of students, who work incredibly hard. One kid asked me about the project after reading the book and I was very impressed with the question. A few others wished me on Teachers Day and this made me very very happy! I hope I am worth all their trust.. Here are two cards I got… amongst many other messages (all of which made me “happy to be a teacher” as the boy would say).

Through the eyes of a child

Ive been pondering about love.. and how complicated it is, when we make it that way. Ive fallen in love, finally! I never thought the day would come. What with more than a dozen international flights a year, living out of a suitcase for half the year and a restless heart that cannot and will not settle.. I just dont get attached very easily. And nothing holds me down, not fear, not desire, not monetary reward… ocassionally satisfaction gets a hold of me but thats about it.

Anyway, Ive realized that falling in love in India is a funny thing…….. so many abstractions and super-classes, its mind-boggling. Thus, on thursday today, I decided to look through the eyes of a child…… Life is simplest then! Love == time, time > money, quiet == peace, satisfaction == achievement. I love equations I can understand! Complex rules confuse my Suppandi-like brain.

I know a sub-4 y.o whom I love dearly…. We talk fondly of Khujli and Chaddi, two runaway camels from West-India, from across the desert whose water conditions we know nothing of! This 4 year old minus has taught me a lot about how simple the thing callled affection is.

Life is a funny place today! I remember this one night at Purdue, the snow was falling and I was thinking of forgiveness…………. Sometimes, we just need to accept ourselves, for what we are.

As Casablanca dialogues might go:

Ilsa: But what about us?
Rick: We’ll always have Paris. We didn’t have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.
Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you.
Rick: And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of. Ilsa, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that.

The call

Its 6:36am, Im sitting a bit groggy-eyed and waiting to get my first workout done and dusted. I am thinking of the old John Masefield poem, “I must go down to the seas again”, and I am also thinking about my adventures. There are days when you just know you have to go. Where you go, how you get there, what challenges you face on the way, what sunrises make the trip worth the effort, these are all secondary things. All you know is that you have to leave. I have that feeling starting to set in today. In fact, its been haunting my dreams for a bit, the open road, blue-skies, people’s bullshit-free living… I feel like setting goals again. I feel like smelling failure and success all over again, in whatever measure. I feel it in my bones that today is the start of a new adventure..

Brownian Motion

Bic Runga has been on my mind.. notice a bit of a pattern here? I am obbsessive-compulsive! If I get hung up on something, there is nothing else to take away from the experience. This compulsion extends to naming my shoes, my bike, my toe-nails (two of which I just lost last weekend), talking to trees on my way to work (silently of course, I have to share the ride to work with some asinine creatures, imagine my consternation if they actually could extend their imagination beyond their petty egos), dreaming with the butterflies that flit across my path from home to work, by the dozen.. they may live for just 4 days but they really live. My best friend Derek Vohs taught me how important it was to learn to live, that is the greatest gift a friend can give another. He also wrote me funny stories, created so many memories to live by, live with and loved his mom who raised him single-handed, which was something I often hoped Id find someday. Children make us proud in so many ways and looking at them tells us a lot about their parents.. My heart is full today but Ill never forget Derek.

Ive had some time to dream here in the last month. Apparently, this never goes out of fashion. I had the pleasure of meeting two shorties, who stole a piece of my heart within the first five minutes of meeting them.. they told me a couple of stories and showed me a few dance moves so, Im training to be the next MJ, watch out! They also had strong opinions on the food I was eating (and others were subject to) so, this made me think hard!
So much so, that I decided to go on a cooking extravaganza last night. I got home around 7pm after a bumpy-as ride, minus butterflies… they were all at a music show across the town and had no time to wait for me. Id been preparing exams to give my kids on Monday and I hope they all do well. They inspire me to do my best, every class. Exams are just what we make them to be… and they are perennial. Back to the 7pm hour, I managed to get to a local market here in rural Punjab. I could easily walk around here for hours and talk to people selling the vegetables and other things. I plan on doing this soon! After two to three handfuls of veggies, we stopped at a fruit vendor for a few more handfuls of fruits.. after this we went to a department store and picked up a few more things. I got home around 8:30 and decided to call mom for some expert advice! She was on a date with my dad and giggling the whole time, I could tell exactly what she was thinking but, I decided to ignore it… She started giving me instructions and within half a minute, my head was spinning. I decided to chop up the veggies, take a shower, turn on the AC, sit down for 20 minutes and then start cooking. So, we agreed that she would call me after I had done all of the above.

Thank god for food processors (mine, I am emotionally attached to), a bit of the chopping went by quickly! This was an industrial production..

There was a bit of a snafu with the tomatoes, which were beaten to a pulp by mistake and ended up in chutney rather than as garnish :) When in doubt, try to fix it rather than throw it away!

The first dish was something that was supposed to resemble avial but, minus too many veggies as some of my audience (or poor suckers who had to eat this) were not feeling to flash and I didnt want to test their pallete.

Of course, all this cooking action left a mess, which made me want to pick up a sharp object but, I was too tired to do so :) Delirious almost! Cooking with an induction heater is also pretty challenging. The last dish on the menu was Uthappam, which I prepared the mix for and left the kitchen ready to make this in the morning. Even Cinderella had a midnight deadline, Im just an ordinary mortal!
I managed to wash all the dishes on time.. When in college, I picked up the habit of doing my own dishes and then every one’s elses from my friend Cort Stratton! I worked as a dishwasher for my first scholarship so, that work experience served me well. There is a lot of zen in washing dishes.. besides, I love bubbles :)

I slept well and was up again to start my morning series of fresh food cookin’, still sleepy but happy about being able to indulge in my all-time favourite activity.

The uthappam reminded me of the time when amoeba crawled the earth, in giant sizes :) Additionally, my expertise with induction cooking made for some burnt, thick initial versions (quality control was on holiday, it was too early in the day for them).

I then realized, I could adjust the heat on the induction cooker (how many engineers does it take to hit a button?) and this adjusted the quality of the burning a little better :)

I then packed everything and looked back at satisfaction with my handiwork. If nothing, it looked like I had been toiling!! :)

Cooking is like dancing, the happier you are, the better it tastes.. of course, using uthappam mix is lame but, for a quick meal, why not!!

Until next time, Im back to indulging in some Brownian motion and smiling about something good thats come my way. My nutrition secrets are like so: I eat what I want, within limit. I think hard about what that food means to me an to everyone that grows it. I try hard to cook and eat my own food, rather than processed stuff. When I am really happy, I love cooking for people. I earned a reputation for my dinners in Christchurch :) My only rule for my friends is that that they dont tell me how it tastes :) I desperately need to feel like Kungfu Panda in my own kitchen, blindingly awesome!

Suddenly Strange(ly) missing the Rungas

1:19pm on a Saturday………. I woke up late at 8am and lay in bed till 9:30 with a song in my head, a smile and some gladness in my heart. I had no care in the world and did not miss my newspaper or the internet.

Its hard to go through a dark tunnel and then accept the light. Im not in denial anymore though. I live for the day and that brings out the best in me. All the cliches about not being able to control one’s life is all good… however, one must make sure one is working hard to break bread and living independent of others’ sweat and that is OK to want. Its also OK to want that, as it is OK to want to live a little irresponsibly, no judgement. Hardwork is overrated too…… this is not the Animal Farm.. right?

Today, I miss New Zealand. I miss the soulful quietness of people. Its not all about talk, talk, talk, more talk, talk, talk.. Ive met some asinine creatures in the last three weeks and they are all about the TALK and Im so glad I am me :) I know its been an age since Ive felt good about myself but, it takes a bit of the good and the bad to see and believe and appreciate and fall for………. New Zealand is my favourite country……. coming back to which, when I was in North Carolina, tooling around, I used to teach kids who belonged to familes of domestic abuse victims… we used to read a book called “The Very Quiet Cricket” to the kids. It was an amazing story and new zealand is a quiet cricket. Very very quiet or very very loud when the wind blows from yonder.

Today’s blog can be summarized mostly in the words of the beautiful and talented Bic Runga… one of the greatest artists that lives!

To the many new paths I find I am surrounded with and the happiness that simmers like mist, there and gone, Id sing:

Sway my way, dont come and go, like you do!

To my old doubts and critics and all the villains in my life, Id sing:

And just so you know
This secret part of me never showed
And when you run around like you don’t care
I’m suddenly aware
I know its time

To my running shoes and the blue blue water (as my alter-ego is a water buffalo, no place Id rather be than in the water on a hot hot day), Id sing:

We could sit in the sun
Let the days all roll into one
How could you take so long to decide?
How would you know until you tried?

To all the trails I didnt run in when I was too busy working, Id sing:

Wring out my guilt and hang it on the line
Its been raining all week, it won’t get a chance to dry
I’ve been looking round the pantry for a box of sorries
I’m all run out

Ill tell you about Bic’s sister Boh, another day! She inspires a lot of things too…………. I miss New Zealand! Did I already say that?


© 2011 Anu Vaidyanathan. All rights reserved.

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