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Restless Heart

Restless Heart

relativity

restless meandering heart

soulful solitude 

I wrote this Haiku ten years ago. That is right, ten! I was looking at this today and thinking about the fact that not a lot has changed. I have my old companions travel, wanderlust and solitude, all around me. Maybe in smaller doses but, all around me. I hope that the time spent talking about being busy and gotta go and gosh, I have so much to do, ultimately takes me to a happy place. Of late, I have not been able to tell. As I embark on the last trip, before the last trip of the year (the first, last trip, having magically manifested only in the last two days), I am filled with anticipation. Anticipation of gratitude, I hope I find it when I write my year’s doings and goings-on and milestones-crossed and songs-sung. Anticipation of new friends, I hope to find them in March. Anticipation of rediscovering the love and support in my old friendships. Anticipation of spending time with those I love most. Anticipation of carrying along this heart that is suddenly so much more open to people, almost scarily so. Anticipation of doing what I love, in a way that brings joy to those around me and makes me pump my fist (only one fist, two are too much work!) in private, more often. I am also filled with wonder. Wonder about who I really am, what I really stand for, how I want to be perceived in this very short life (compared to Moss Years, yes, I am finally reading again) by my circle of family and friends. Wonder about at that place where the bullshit stops and reality begins. Wonder about what reality actually means. Anticipation and Wonder. That is what 2015 has filled me with. The end of it at least so, the beginning, middle and twilight matter less. And so we go…

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